Reality part 1

My questioning reality is based on the disease. Are my decisions based in reality or is the BPD making that decision? Both good and bad are my emotions filtered through a stable or ‘normal’ mind or is the mania controlling my will. After the life I’ve lived can I relate to my current role? The short answer is no because I have no basis of reality. This disease has robbed me of that.


Best cry for help ever!

Do you ever have something that is beyond journal worthy and feel the rest of mankind will benefit greatly? Or, by DSM definition, does your narcissistic personality disorder come charging in demanding everyone look longingly into that pool of self-reflection. Or is it that fleeting thought an awareness lacking credibility based on an emotional attachment to ones insecurities tell you everything will be okay. Or the fact you are buried in guilt or whatever fucked up state of imbalance contributing an impasse from ‘Do’. I fight the latter in hopes that a smattering of the former concedes the obvious decision and commits wholeheartedly my thoughts. Please standby for a message from our sponsor…maybe

On my death bed

An Epiphany answers the loner cry, is it death until I die. Solitude a shot in the dark challenging without remark. Kiss the mirror one last time before committing the ultimate crime. With devastation done who am I but the lonely one.


I spread love and do not feel love

I love and do not feel love

I feel and love

I am love


The Fear of Rain

So hard to wake knowing what’s at stake.

An endless day of rain to wash out the pain.

Puddles of grief turn to lakes of disbelief.

A flood ensues to carry over that which soothes.

A dawn, a day, and hope that we all play.

An empty street filled …dreams that fleet.

Watch the drops until the rain finally stops.

Oh how I long for the day that it finally washes all our fear away.


I just wanted to wish a very happy birthday to the amazing Zrtist!


Enjoy your 21st Birthday.  Again…  🙂

Love Always,

The Webmistress [mask and whip sold seperately]

Red Coat for a Friend

Please remain the person you are as others will follow in your footsteps. We hold our heads high as we walk the halls of those who fought before us. For it is their passing that gives us life and their life that gives us hope.